Meth/Poll-Smoking Preacher Resigns

Rev. Ted Haggard resigned today from his role as the head of the National Association of Evangelicals amid sodomy charges. He admitted to buying meth -- and receiving a massage -- from the former-escort, but denies allegations he had a once-a-month, years-long "relationship" with the man, Mike Jones. He also denies doing the amphetamines, saying, under conviction from the Lord, he threw them away.

Haggard says he threw the meth out "right after" purchasing it. "I never kept it very long 'cause it's... it was wrong."

He never kept it very long? How often did he keep it? I believe he may have inadvertently admitted to this being a regular occurence.

I feel for Mr. Haggard. This is truly a Kerry-sized uproar -- yes, it'll be used as political ammunition, but everyone knows it's just a big, embarrassing misunderstanding. I think, in the coming days, this will all just fade away and have no consequences on the upcoming elections whatsoever.

I was discussing this with the male prostitute I get my massages from, and he says this sort of thing happens all the time. An escort gets a famous client -- or realizes he's had one at one point or another -- and decides to use that clients fame for personal gain. Now, while I seriously doubt the prostitute in question would make this story up for money, Lex (my masseuse) believes what he believes -- and I'm not going to argue with him when he soothes my aching muscles just so. Ahh...

I guess what I'm really trying to say is this: tonight, when you're tossing that bag of speed you got from your former-gay prostitute/drug dealer/masseuse, say a little prayer for the pastor with former ties to the Bush Whitehouse. Because one fag, angry at the preacher's bigot-pandering hypocrisy, has just ruined his life.