Israel? Again?

I'm looking through the news, and I noticed an obscure article I thought I just had to share. Apparently, Israel is warring with a nearby Arab country. I know -- impossible, right? I thought so, too, but I double-checked and, apparently... no news organization anywhere is talking about anything else. At all. Like, ever.

Jesus...
...(No pun intended.)

I just so happen to have a map of the Middle East. Here, let's have a look.

So, Sudan, Saudi Arabia, Iraq, Iran, and that little speck up top, the yellow blip -- that's Israel. The red little tumor in it is Palestine, and the green thing next to it is Lebanon. These countries are tiny. Israel and Palestine together are around 10,000 square miles of land -- about the size of Maryland. Maryland! For reference, here's a map of the US, and Maryland.

See that? Look at that little bitch. Yeah, I said it. C'mon, Maryland? What're you going to do? Huh? Yeah, that's right. Not a goddamn thing. What? Shut up. Little bitch.

My issues with Maryland aside, why in the hell does anyone give a shit about one of the smallest countries in the history of ever? There's no way this war will affect me in any way, except adding a few cents a gallon, and I've grown bored with Israel's power plays long ago. People don't care about minor territorial squabbles in South America or Africa, why all the attention on Israel, Israel, Israel? The answer, of course, is God. And, man am I so sick of this guy making people kill each other.

So, a quick recap: Yemen, Sudan, Saudi Arabia, Iran, Iraq, Oman, Syria and Lebanon all "have issues" with Israel. That's... eight out of the eleven countries on my little CNN map. Obviously, Israel doesn't play well with others. Israel just gotta' have drama. Man, Egypt and I were going to invite Israel to a party a while back, but Palestine was already hanging out, and he's all, "Fuck Israel." Then Lebanon came by and he's all, "Israel and I are fighting" and going on and on and Jesus is that a buzzkill from hell. So, we're like, never mind, right?

But, Israel has some big guns. Or, well, one really big gun. Us. Us capitalized -- us the U.S. Yeah. We're all over Israel. It's the God thing. Any other country has this many problems keeping the peace with outlying nations and we at least wag a finger. But Bushbaby just slaps Israel on the ass and gives it the ol' go-get-'em wink anytime anything like this happens.

My point? I. DON'T. CARE. I don't. I don't give a flying fuck if these blips wipe each other off the face of the Earth. Biblical prophecy or whatever, yeah, I'll believe it when I see it -- really. As soon as I see footage of Jesus racing through the clouds, I'll convert. Swear to God. But until then, and I'm talking to you CNN -- and you, too, Fox, don't think you're special -- in fact, all of you; ABC, CBS, the whole lot... I'm truly concerned about the conflicts. Really. Loss of human life is a tragedy, no matter what, and war is horrible. But I'd rather read about Jessica Biel's limousine-wreck-victim charity than read about Israel's latest feud.