Vatican Says Bad Health is Good

The Vatican is again expressing how successfully it keeps its finger on the pulse of reality, denouncing modern medicine and promoting pain, old age, death and suffering as alternatives.

"While millions of people in the world struggle to survive hunger and disease, lacking even minimal health care,” said Rev. Maurizio Faggioni, “in rich countries the concept of health as well-being figures in creating unrealistic expectations about the possibility of medicine to respond to all needs and desires." Yes. We should envy those who “struggle to survive hunger and disease, lacking even minimal health care,” shouldn’t we? Those lucky bastards.

And, yes, Faggioni is his real name. Go ahead, laugh. I did.

The ailing pontiff, who can hardly walk, due to knee and hip problems, and is so wracked by Parkinson’s his speech is often “unintelligible,” was hailed by Manfred Lutz, a psychiatrist at the Vatican, as "the living alternative to the prevailing health-fiend madness." Mr. Lutz is apparently unaware the ailing pontiff can hardly walk, due to knee and hip problems, and is so wracked by Parkinson’s his speech is often “unintelligible.”

"The Pope's message is 'suffering is part of life and has meaning,’” Lutz continued. “And that meaning is simple to understand: God hates you.”

On subject of healthy living, Vatican officials would like to remind everyone that using a condom is a sin. God created STD’s to be shared.