The Good Drugs

Merck & Co., a drug company (the boring, legal kind of drugs), has recently withdrawn Vioxx from store shelves because it could cause heart damage. The problem arose, though, when Merck, lashing out like a spoiled sibling, starting flinging accusations around that drugs similar to Vioxx (known as "COX-2 inhibitors") might cause similar problems. How dare they.

COX-2 inhibitors work by selectively inhibiting clooxygenase-2 (COX-2), an enzyme that causes pain and inflammation in arthritic joints. (source) Further information here.

Pfizer, the drug giant that helps run your government through endless lobbying and millions of dollars in political donations, was quick to defend its drugs Celebrex and Bextra, which are in the same category as Vioxx. To prove these medications were safe and effective, Pfizer handed free samples to FDA officials. Afterwards, when asked about the controversy, the officials described it as "Cool. Whatever." They then sank into their chairs and asked not to be bothered "for a while."

Ironically, Merck & Co. is set to release a new COX-2 inhibitor called "Arcoxia," continuing the "names with x's" trend. When asked about earlier comments that "all prescription pain relievers similar to ... Vioxx can damage the heart," Merck officials smiled and shrugged, showing they too have samples to spare.


Update: It was decided Vioxx, Celebrex and Vextra all pose the same level of risk for causing heart problems. So, in the interest of public safety, they're all available. Your heart may explode, but you'll feel damn good when it happens.