Breaking News! |February 18, 2005|
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Sunni clerics, sensing their impending fall from power as a minority in an emerging democratic state, have objected to the legitimacy of the recent Iraqi elections, citing the fact that large numbers boycotted them. They have yet to grasp the concept of democracy, it seems.
Howard Dean will head the DNC. Liberals happy; Conservatives, too. Heeyargh!
Meat and dairy are hazardous to your health, according to a study headed by Dr. Linda E. Kelemen, an assistant professor of epidemiology at the Mayo Clinic College of Medicine in Rochester, Minnesota. As a vegan, I can only laugh and laugh. And, remember always: meat is murder, milk is suicide.
The search for ideal jurors for the Michael Jackson trial has continued, and all sides say the task is very difficult. Jackson, though, chimed in: “What about little boys?” he asked, innocently. “They don’t watch the news. And they probably don’t know my music. Chumown.”
Related: Michael Jackson was admitted to the hospital, ill with "the flu." No one knows how he contracted the virus, though witnesses say it hit around the time he caught wind of the Shanley verdict.
Speaking of child molestation, four priests in Massachusetts were defrocked by the Vatican for their trysts. I, for one, don’t see how this is punishment.
Related: The Catholic Church still believes the marital status (or, rather, the lack there of) of its priests is more important than the fragile psyches of its youngest members.
Tony Blair has said his biggest challenge in the coming months will be getting President Bush to stop swilling oil like it was whisky and start considering such unimportant things as the environment. Said Bush, “I’ve been to England. It’s cold as hell. You guys could use a little warming.”
So, wait -- we bomb the hell out of them, try to force our beliefs on them, demand they make their government more like ours, passive-aggressively make it very clear their religion isn't as good as our religion, and they still go and vote for the wrong guys?! Perhaps the first time in George W. Bush's political career where he kicked himself over a conservative victory.
Next on Microsoft's path toward world domination -- cell phones. Also, a new browser.
More proof that Chris Rock can get away with saying anything.
... i hate him so ...
Obesity is a plague. Ronald McDonald hires team of lawyers, just in case.
Who cares about the environment? Fuck the little guy! Pay up.
Fuck the little guy part two.
Haha... ahhh...
Ahh, hahaha.
Inmates in Milwaukee will no longer receive free coffee. Doomed to die of liver cancer.
And because straight men hate breasts and no one hears curse words in real life, higher indecency fines!
Focus on the Family calls for arrest of birds. "Indecent! Immoral! Jesus hates them!" Birds stumble away, sobbing drunken tears.
A gay sudent support group has been booted off the campus of the New York Medical College for being too faggy. Said spokeswoman Donna Moriarty, the ban was "to preserve its identity ... in the Catholic tradition." Because Catholics are never gay. Right? Right?
Anti-malarial drug causes hallucinations. Information on how to get this drug can be sent to OrwellianAvatar@AOL.com.
Russia starts propaganda channel, years after America.
Howard Dean will head the DNC. Liberals happy; Conservatives, too. Heeyargh!
Meat and dairy are hazardous to your health, according to a study headed by Dr. Linda E. Kelemen, an assistant professor of epidemiology at the Mayo Clinic College of Medicine in Rochester, Minnesota. As a vegan, I can only laugh and laugh. And, remember always: meat is murder, milk is suicide.
The search for ideal jurors for the Michael Jackson trial has continued, and all sides say the task is very difficult. Jackson, though, chimed in: “What about little boys?” he asked, innocently. “They don’t watch the news. And they probably don’t know my music. Chumown.”
Related: Michael Jackson was admitted to the hospital, ill with "the flu." No one knows how he contracted the virus, though witnesses say it hit around the time he caught wind of the Shanley verdict.
Speaking of child molestation, four priests in Massachusetts were defrocked by the Vatican for their trysts. I, for one, don’t see how this is punishment.
Related: The Catholic Church still believes the marital status (or, rather, the lack there of) of its priests is more important than the fragile psyches of its youngest members.
Tony Blair has said his biggest challenge in the coming months will be getting President Bush to stop swilling oil like it was whisky and start considering such unimportant things as the environment. Said Bush, “I’ve been to England. It’s cold as hell. You guys could use a little warming.”
So, wait -- we bomb the hell out of them, try to force our beliefs on them, demand they make their government more like ours, passive-aggressively make it very clear their religion isn't as good as our religion, and they still go and vote for the wrong guys?! Perhaps the first time in George W. Bush's political career where he kicked himself over a conservative victory.
Next on Microsoft's path toward world domination -- cell phones. Also, a new browser.
More proof that Chris Rock can get away with saying anything.
... i hate him so ...
Obesity is a plague. Ronald McDonald hires team of lawyers, just in case.
Who cares about the environment? Fuck the little guy! Pay up.
Fuck the little guy part two.
Haha... ahhh...
Ahh, hahaha.
Inmates in Milwaukee will no longer receive free coffee. Doomed to die of liver cancer.
And because straight men hate breasts and no one hears curse words in real life, higher indecency fines!
Focus on the Family calls for arrest of birds. "Indecent! Immoral! Jesus hates them!" Birds stumble away, sobbing drunken tears.
A gay sudent support group has been booted off the campus of the New York Medical College for being too faggy. Said spokeswoman Donna Moriarty, the ban was "to preserve its identity ... in the Catholic tradition." Because Catholics are never gay. Right? Right?
Anti-malarial drug causes hallucinations. Information on how to get this drug can be sent to OrwellianAvatar@AOL.com.
Russia starts propaganda channel, years after America.
posted by Damion at 2/18/2005 02:43:00 PM
2 Comments:
I have but one retort on this post and it concerns the two little girls and the hamburger. Perhaps Lord of the Rings was a bad influence? I only slightly muse that she claimed it was her birthday in failed attempts to retrieve the hamburger from her sister, then promptly called it her precious before downing the scrumptious delight whilst leering over her sister's dead body. Damn you, media. Damn you hard.
Yes. Damn the media to fuck.
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