Great Moments in American History

Episode 1
"Barbie’s Holocaust"

The Holocaust was one of the darkest moments in modern history. Millions of people died in the names of greed, homophobia, racism and the relentless pursuit of power. And America, land of the free, the greatest country in the history of ever, was a Nazi fighting machine. We hated the Nazis so much, we even employed and protected some of them!

That’s right, folks. The American government was a Nazi sympathizer!

See, there was this man by the name of Klaus Barbie; probably one of the sickest officers to hold power in Nazi Germany. Stories abound of his tortures -- Simone Lagrange, a survivor of his tortures, later told of some of his atrocities. The first time she saw him, shortly after being arrested by the SS on June 6, 1944, the then 13 year old recalls trusting him because he was caressing his cat. Anyone who loved animals couldn’t be all bad, right? He tortured her mercilessly for eight days, then handed her over to another officer who tortured her a bit more, dragging her by her hair and beating her already gaping wounds, demanding information. Why? She was a Jew.

Another victim of his was Jean Moulin, a French resistance leader. Hot needles were shoved under his fingernails, his fingers were slammed in doorjambs until the bones shattered, his wrists were broken using special screw-levered handcuffs, he was whipped, he was beaten until nearly unrecognizable. One prisoner described Moulin after the beatings, saying he was “unconscious, his eyes dug in as though they had been punched through his head. An ugly blue wound scarred his temple. A mute rattle came out of his swollen lips.” He was beaten until he was unconscious, then displayed for all to see, and promptly disposed of.

At the end of the war, on his way out of the SS, Klaus grabbed a few secret Reich files on Soviet agents and their methods -- America, jumping headlong into the Cold War after WWII, found this very intriguing. Klaus was promptly put on the American payroll. Did we know of his heinous war crimes? Maybe, maybe not. But, I’m sure if we knew, or somehow found out, we’d have him executed immediately. Right?

Well… not so much “executed” as “smuggled out of the country"...

See, Holocaust Hunters found Barbie out, and the French government demanded he be turned over to be tried and sentenced for his actions. In the honorable tradition of American politics, we called the Frenchies a bunch of liars, broke a few international laws and shuffled Klaus out of North America and into South America and gave him a new name -- Klaus Altmann. In South America, Klaus participated in in a political upheaval known as the “Cocaine Coup” and enjoyed a position of power once again, even granting an interview, saying of his Holocaust actions, “Of course I am proud of what I did during the war. If it hadn't been for me, France would be a Soviet Socialist Republic by now.” At least he was remorseful.

He was finally rooted out and expelled in 1983 after 32 years in hiding. He was tried for the murders of nearly 5,000 people and the torture of about 14,000 more. He spent eight years in prison and died, peacefully, of cancer in 1991. The US Government offered a formal apology for it’s dishonorable, illegal and immoral behavior. Which really makes it all better.